I just hit over 350 subscribers on Substack in my first month.
But that’s not what’s stressing me out. And it’s not what I want to focus on today.
On Medium, I used to blend in this giant ocean of writing. I would get thousands of views sometimes. And sometimes, well, not so much.
On Medium nobody pays directly for your ramblings. It’s a free playground. You can try out different styles and figure out your voice without worrying about money.
Things are very different on Substack. I’m not only surrounded by all these other amazing writers (like on Medium). But there’s actually a small group of people who decided to pay for my stuff (what?!).
It’s just two people, for now. But those two have flipped a switch in my brain.
Suddenly, that blank page looks terrifying. Every sentence feels like it needs to be a masterpiece. Because now, someone’s spending their hard-earned cash on this.
The freedom to write whatever pops into my head has turned into this constant worry.
‘Is this good enough? Why would anyone pay for this? Look at all these other writers out there writing amazing things.’
I know it’s all in my head.
Nobody’s forcing me to churn out high-class content every week. But the pressure’s still there. And it’s nagging me all the time.
There’s something weirdly ironic about it.
On Medium, I’m making 4 figures a month. But still, I write with no fear.
On Substack I make 2 figures a month because of two readers paying for my work (which isn’t even paywalled). But still, I’m freaking out about not being good enough. Because they pay for MY work.
But there’s something I really love about Substack.
It feels like home. You’re not just throwing your writing out into the void. Hoping someone will find it. You’re actually building your own little community there. You get surrounded by a group of people who actively chose to invest in your voice.
It’s a small investment. But it feels a lot heavier than I thought it would.
So, am I in over my head with all this anxiety?
Maybe.
Maybe it’s just the growing pains of starting out on a new platform. Whatever it is, I hope I’m not the only one that feels like this.
So, what am I doing about it?
Well, for starters. I’m acknowledging it. Yes, I feel self-doubt. And yes, I feel fear of not being good enough. It’s there. It’s real. And it’s okay to feel it.
But I’m also trying to remind myself of why I started writing in the first place. It wasn’t for the money. It was because of the joy of putting words together. Sharing ideas. Connecting with people through stories.
That core reason hasn’t changed. Those people who subscribed aren’t looking for me to be the next literary genius. They subscribed because something in my writing clicks with them. I don’t have to become the next writing superstar.
The only thing I have to do is stay close to myself and keep my voice real.
Being open and honest is a really powerful thing. Sharing my anxieties about this change might seem silly. But I hope at least one of you can relate to this feeling.
You phrased it so wonderfully and I hope you simply re-read this every time self-doubt strikes: „They subscribed because something in my writing clicks with them.“ And just keep doing what you have been doing. Since this is what they and everyone else - paying or not paying - is subscribing g for ☺️
It can be hard, but if you can focus on "stay close to myself and keep my voice real", you'll do great!